Friends

A few months back I was casually chatting with a classmate on MSN Messenger when I was shocked to find out that she only regarded me as a “classmate” and an “acquaintance”, and nowhere close to being a friend.

I was stunned and disappointed. How could she have not regarded me as her friend? This was someone that I had talked to during classes, helped when she needed help, and I did everything that a friend is supposed to do. Just so you you don’t misunderstand, I wasn’t interested in her or harbouring any ulterior motive. This was just like any other friendship. Why would someone find it so hard to develop a platonic friendship?

Haven’t you encountered such situations where you treated someone as a friend, and realised that they never treated you the same way all the while?

I did some research on my own and found out that dictionary.com offered the following 5 definitions for friend:
1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement.
5. Friend A member of the Society of Friends; a Quaker.

Obviously the proper definition I was looking for was definitely not in no.5, but a combination of the other 4. I used to think that making friends wasn’t that difficult. Just be sincere, friendly, courteous and never approach someone with a hidden agenda because your body language will give it away.

Pressing on I asked her why she would think that way. “Sometimes when you grow up, you realise that some people are just not meant to be friends. Take precautions when calling people your friend,” she said. The first sentence rings a bell. Henry Adams, a famous US author, autobiographer and historian also once said, “Friends are born, not made.”

So many questions suddenly pop up in my mind. Is it really that difficult to be friends? How would one qualify to be your friend? Is it a matter of time? Do I have know you for like a year before becoming one? Or would be it how well we can get along? Or does it all boil down to plain old feelings? Most importantly, how would I know if I am your friend?

As a person who is absolutely peace loving, I try to be friends with everyone, help out when they need it, or go a little distance just to make their day. After all, who doesn’t want to have many friends?

Perhaps it’s largely due to today’s competitive society, how people backstab each other and the dirty tricks that people will resort to get what they want, that has created this sense of skepticism. It’s a great pity, because many great friendships which could have been forged may have been sacrificed by this gigantic rat race that we are all forced to participate in.

However, I always believe there’s still hope. I, for one, can bear testimony that there are people out there who can be very good friends with you. I have personally formed this group called the “Fantastic Four”, named after a cartoon superhero team. All 4 of us enjoy each other’s company, sorrows and happiness, things that true friends should be doing. I have also recently found new friends in school, which I am very grateful for.

Maybe it’s true, some people are just not meant to be your friends but I’m hoping that saying is proven wrong. I believe in giving everyone a fair chance. You lose a few and meet new ones along your journey. I had a friend who was telling me how sad she felt when her friend left her to go to Australia without informing her. I found this quote especially meaningful for her, and perhaps for all who are reading this now and thinking about all the friends they have lost from primary school till now. Words by the famous author Richard Bach, “Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.”

::Pang Yee Huat::
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